I fell in love.
After three years, I did. It is beautiful. It feels magical but there is a huge chance that it is one-sided. What to do?
It had taken me a long time to find someone I felt this kind of connection with. But then again it might be one-sided. What to do?
On one end the last time I fell in love comes to mind. It was also one-sided. This is what I think. I may never know the truth and now it does not matter because even though it took me years to move on, I finally let it go.
He has found love I think, and I hope he is happy. Chances are he even has a child and even though it was a hard hit to me, deep within I still bless it that things turned out well for him.
I now refuse to fall into the victim mindset and say that people I fall for never seem to love me back and people that like me, I like back but not in a romantic way.
So this time, I wanted to fight for him,
Claim him, mark him, make him see how great I was for him. But it all stemmed from a place of insecurity.
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I wanted to make him love me but how insane is that? Love at the very best is a choice. Liking comes naturally. It can never be forced. Feelings can never be forced.
So I accept it. Finally, I have been able to. And with that, I have set him free. Holding on to him would be toxic and even I do not want that energy surrounding me.
It puts me in a position of negativity and insecurity which I do not want.
However, setting him free brings the power back to me. I feel at peace and still, there is love flowing through me to him and it feels pure.
There is an energy of freedom that lulls me and caresses the strings of my heart in pure bliss and wild abandon. It makes me see what it really means to love.
So I have told him that I do love him, not because I want to hear it back and have it feed my ego.
I have told him I love him even though he will be with someone else.
Loving him is a non-possessive way for me makes it true because it means that I let him free and allow him to find that person who will bring out the best in him and evoke a sense of bliss within him.
It makes me accept, fully and without any reservations that that person may not be me and that is okay.
I do not feel like a victim even though I have loved three people in succession who ended up leaving. I do not feel a sense of self-pity where I wonder “why me?” and cry my eyes out for days, even though I admit that I have gone through this phase.
This nearly broke me and I was in hell! Literally.
Instead, I realize that this experience might have been to teach me what it really means to love unconditionally.
To love just because without the fear that I will not be loved back in return which in the past has made me feel like I was not enough.
I now realize how pure love can be when all I want is the best for the other person. Selfless love looks like this and my spirit sings in acknowledgment right now, because I have noticed what it was trying to tell me.
I get it. For this, I am deeply grateful.
I do not feel scornful of the other woman’s presence, even though for a long time, I did not know of her presence.
Instead, I bless her for she loves the same man I do. I bless their union and I really do not say it because it is something I should do but I mean it.
In essence, he cheated and that is okay. There is no resentment, bitterness or ill-feeling. All I feel is love for both of them.
He was the experience with the lesson and for that I bless him. And yes, I am loving him without conditions even when I know that there is a huge chance that I will not be loved back. Can you? Do you choose to?
Thank you for diving deep into my emotional moments.
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