“While we dream of it, and hold our chests as we listen to Mexican soap operas as Alejandro’s heart is broken by his dear one or moved to tears as we watch the latest romcoms, relationships are not as rosy… Is it worth it really?”
Girls this is real talk and I am going to say it like it is. The word is LOVE. While it sends shivers of excitement down some of our spines, some of us dread it.
Why?
Because we have been hurt so bad it feels as if we are never going to heal from it. If we have healed then maybe there is a bitterness and a fear to never go through this kind of pain ever again.
Now, we may have been hurt through rejection. The guy you are interested in just does not want you but you are clinging to him and hanging there with all your might.
Somehow you convince yourself that by clinging, you will rub some warmth onto his chest and melt the ice around his heart so that he only sees you.
Am I the only one who raises the hand and says “Guilty as charged?” Trust me I have even done worse than clinging.
Recently I got a screwdriver and was tempted to use it in his sleep. I thought I could tighten the screw in the brain that has the circuit, ‘love Mercy forever’.
Or at least open up his brain then sew it after confirming it is me he was dreaming about with that stupid grin on his face.
Hey, these are the things we do for love. Can I get an AMEN somewhere, please?
Betrayal
Another form of hurt is having him cheat. Yes, you caught him in the pump position, pumping into a hole that was not yours?
Close your eyes and do not go any further if you can’t handle it, this is real talk. Has anyone also gone through this just like me?
The fool had to do it on my bed, in my sheets just because I had traveled! At this moment, do you go to the kitchen and grab a knife then chop off his tools?
Laugh at your stupidity? Pour hot water on the buffoon that is screaming his name like he is the only man on earth?
Burn that ass with an iron box and smile sweetly telling him he should be thankful now that he has a free tattoo? Or do you start crying as we all do?
The Evil Ones
Oh, girl and don’t get me started on the ones that stand you up. You are all dolled up and sexy with the six-inch black heels and strutting it like you own the world.
A shimmery grey off-shoulder dress hugging your figure that’s beefed up in all the right places making even the angels want to sin.
Or at least curse out loud profanities, as they wonder whether they were asleep as God was shaping those curves.
Your hair is all-natural, your make-up simple, skin petal soft and glowing and you wore that special lingerie inside the dress just in case there will be some action tonight.
You are all ready to go party hard! But then the imbecile will not pick up your call, he will not answer your text.
After some time his phone is off. But now, since you have the best friend’s number and you were all to meet up together, some silly part of you is worried that maybe something bad happened to him.
The friend gives some lame excuse that he will call you back, makes a deal with your so-called bae, and then calls you back with some made-up story even a child with brains would detect loopholes in.
Damn! That is when the demon breaks loose and you end up saying things even the devil would get astounded at and say, “Darling! Even I did not know that one.”
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What Is Wrong With Some Species
Some men will throw away precious relationships out of sheer ‘short-sightedness’ or let me just call it plain damn stupidity. Now, do not kill me, I said some, and girls, don’t we know them?
I speak for myself when I say there is a reason we call men dogs.
Some make you pregnant and leave. Others leave when you need them the most. Some have sex with you which is the one thing most men are actually after when pursuing you, virgins beware.
And then they take off. They may use you to get to where they want to and as you are there for them as they climb the ladder of success they ditch you for a younger, more vibrant woman.
Some have been abusive to you. May it be physically or verbally. Some have infected you with HIV or given us a bad STD that turned out serious and so many more.
Girls, we are not saints but that is a story for another day. If we have gone through any of these traumatic experiences then opening up our hearts to guys is as hard as having a river go upstream, a daunting task.
Because of this, a good number of us avoid dating and relationships. Giving all manner of justifications as to why we should not date acting like we just do not give a damn while as a matter of fact, we do.
Deep inside we hope that there is this one hell of a guy that will sweep us off our feet just like Cinderella and his prince.
Some have given up on this fantasy. To some like me, the story sounds idiotic and unreal, but then again, I am just projecting.
Dating The Safe Way
I have been tempted, because of these laughable yet painful experiences to date the safe way, and I think a good number of us ladies would say yes to that.
By dating the safe way, I mean dating someone who is somewhat below your standards. He’s not that attractive to you, not that successful, not that ambitious or goal-driven.
But at least it is better than nothing right? Deep inside you know you can do better but you choose to settle for mediocre men.
Some men treat you very badly and I can attest to this, but we choose to stay foolishly hoping he will change. I plead guilty to these charges as well.
Most of us, me included, are afraid of men that intimidate us. You know the ones that I am talking about right? Let me speak for myself.
You know, the kinds that say the right things when they speak it is like they are reading a romantic novel to you.
The ones that are polished, classy, and elegant. They speak with a command, an air of confidence, poise, and integrity to admire.
Well educated, well-traveled, ambitious, exposed, mature, successful, and influential. A natural leader in short with attractive features and qualities that I would at least want to see in my child.
The kind of person that inspires me to be a better me and makes me motivated to move towards my goals.
When The Perfect Guy Comes Along
These admirable guys cross our paths sometimes but when we are too blinded by our past and resolutions to kick every male to the curb, we often miss the chance.
At times we do want it with all our might but we are too scared of rejection. We then pretend we are not interested just to cover up our insecurities because we are afraid we do not measure up.
Damn! Am I exposing anyone else or is it just me?
In this case, you have to take the bull by the horns. I am currently choosing the most fierce bull available.
The pain of rejection, of being hurt or abandoned is something we face when we air our vulnerability and choose boldness.
There is always a chance that it will bounce off on you and you will be the laughing stock.
You may also be interested in: Conquer Pain And Dare To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone
So much that even your own shadow will be tempted to join in the fun and laugh at you. Well, you just have to face that pain because when you don’t want to recoil and get back to the comfort zone.
There you cease from truly living, from truly reaching out and grabbing what’s yours.
Conclusion
So join me in facing the pain or fear, imagining the worst that can happen then saying, “Bring it on! I can handle it.”
And in case the bull throws you into the air and you land on your butt with the crowd laughing their head off, dust off the dust, look at that bull in the eye, get back and say ‘bring it on!’
This time around have a different strategy because it is said that only a fool does the same thing twice the same way and expects different results.
I send you love and light!
Love, Laughter, Peace, Joy, Prosperity, Abundance
