Now that I am past the guns blaring and shooting phase of my breakup and it is all calm, I keep asking myself what symbolic meaning this relationship served. What was it here to teach me? These are the answers that come to me as I thought of ways of getting over someone you love. It helps me know that it was for a good cause.
As my pillow bore the heights of my frustration and the snorts, tears and curses that went with each relationship blow, I can confirm that it is possible to get over someone even when it seems not, and here is how
It was to reveal to me my childhood wounds.
We do not just fall in love with anyone. Mostly we fall for people who take us on a journey inward and reveal to us the things we really need to work on. We fall in love with our mirrors. People who reveal to us who we really are and the wounds we keep hidden.
This is mostly why relationships are messy. For at times, the safe crooked haven that we have built for ourselves needs to be torn down before the real work begins. Getting over someone you love is not easy. The process is painful, deep, and raw. Try to see what the deeper wounds are, what this person represented, and what they triggered.
Show me what unconditional love is.
I needed to remember how to love without expecting anything in return. To love just because I am the epitome of love myself. I needed to remember that I could love selflessly and just give love for the sake of it, even when I was not going to be loved in return.
Loving as the universe loves, and embracing that part of me that is in touch with my god energy, my creative energy. For me, it is just not about getting over someone you love. It is about celebrating that love as well.
Doing this has helped me realize that I need not be afraid of being loved in return when I fall for someone. Somehow, it has altered the tables and I am in my place of power, even when I fall for someone.
I do not love them just because I expect to be loved in return and when that does not happen I crumble in heartbreak. Now I love despite it and I open my heart fully. It is now self-full and not selfish for when I love another I am loving myself by extending that love to another. Imagine that!
It has also revealed to me that I am already whole.
Getting over someone you love showed me that I can love another even when they are not in my life and not necessarily be with them. I can love them even when they have families and are with other people.
In this case, it is not the possessive love that wishes they were with me instead of them. It is kind, and patient, and celebrates success. It is not jealous or hateful.
It rejoices in all things that elevate the spirit. It is the kind of love that wishes the best for other people even when they are no longer a part of my life. It can look in the rearview mirror and smile knowing that they taught you something and you are grateful for that. when I say this I do not mean bitterness or being close-hearted but remaining open even when I was deeply wronged.
Reveal to me what one needs to work on most as you get over someone you love.
What do you/I need to work on most? One answer is… Yourself. The answer that pops into my head as I ask this is that I need to trust myself and work on my confidence. For a very long time, I have felt like I needed permission to exist.
Like I needed approval from others, and acceptance so that I felt good about myself. I have felt like I needed validation so that I felt worthy of existence.
Having that safety mat taken from beneath me, made me fall flat on my ass. When all these people left, I felt like they left because I was not good enough. I am glad they left though.
Because them leaving helped me see my wounds and what I really needed to work on. They made me become my best friend. To love myself fully even when I felt I had no reason to.
I have had to build on my confidence, understand my power and understand my truth and for the first time, build my own table, instead of begging for crumbs at the feet of another. For the first time, I feel unapologetic for existing. And most importantly, it had been with me all along, I just needed to unearth it. Getting over someone you love has shown me this.
Seek the good in the ugly.
Him leaving, and all the others that came before him made me notice a pattern. I was attracting them from an energy of hurt and pain, which is why I was somewhat attracting the same kind of person over and over again.
They also had their own share of pain and heartache that they were dealing with. They were my mirror and I saw myself in them. We were feeding on each other’s energy of pain without even realizing it.
Heavens! That was messy. But then I needed to go through all this to know what I wanted and what I did not. Once I noticed the pattern, I could now do something about it. It had nothing to do with the other.
Changing another when in the same energy is like two blind people leading each other. To change another, all you need to do is change yourself. When you change yourself, then the reflection in the mirror changes. If the person does not change then your vibrational energy attracts to you the person that matches that present vibrational energy.
With this, I understand why he had to leave. Getting over someone you love at times means that you have to give them permission to leave.
Show me the mystery of life.
In each moment in life, there is an opportunity to change. When I really wanted it to work and I felt like I was pushing an elephant up a cliff, things were stagnant, messy, broken, painful, and never progressing which was stressful. I was out of options.
I did not want to be in a position where you are getting over someone you love. I loved him for Pete’s sake! But the more I pushed the more it broke me up until I noticed I had it all wrong.
Then I left it there and focused on myself, made sure I was having fun, laughing, and working on myself and things sort of just worked themselves out. I stopped following him, stopped going after him, and focused on me then voila! It happened!
We started talking again, and could even laugh when all we wanted to do before was throw pans at each other.
This is what happens when you surrender to what is, fully accept it and then let go. What is for you will not leave you. If it does leave, you will find its substitute or find that which is truly meant for you.
Life is supposed to be easy, seamless, fun, joyous, and passionate. We make it otherwise when we insist on something, even when it does not suit us anymore. Getting over someone you love does not have to always be excruciating and messy.
I am on good terms with all my exes. I am glad each one of them came my way for they each have taught me something and made me who I am today. Each one served a greater purpose and for that, I feel feeling badass and grateful at the same time. *wink*